chat i’m kinda worried about myself

TW: SH, BAD THOUGHTS AND BLOOD so i keep thinking about self harm, but not like i want to do it or feel i need to, but more like i keep just thinking about the concept, and i was in my psychology class earlier when my pencil sharpener broke and all i could think was “should i do it?” and “just see if you like it” so to satisfy the urge i started “gently“ rubbing my thumb along the blade and kept thinking about pressing harder until i eventually did and was almost disappointed that it wasn’t drawing blood, but at the same time was uncomfortable because ofc it hurt a little bit so i kept doing that until i started feeling a stinging sensation on two of my fingers and discovered that (since i hadn’t been looking) i didn’t realise i was actually breaking skin i made 7 cuts and only one drew blood but i have scratch marks and weird little papercutty skin flap things too im kinda worried because i didnt regret it at all and i keep chewing the skin on the inside of my lip and drawing blood 😬 ig i just like the taste of blood and the feel of scars when i run my tongue over then and its a really bad habit i relapse into every now and then which ik is bad but i just enjoy the taste of warm blood idk :,)