xfohv fanfiction i wrote of two x nine

(takes place before tpot 19) (Two’s perspective) (the ship for this is two x nine in the ceo of it) It’s hard to put my finger on why, but my energy drink has a bitter aftertaste, almost mirroring nervous movements both of us are making. I can’t tell if our jittering is from the caffeine or a distance between us creeping in like a shadow. Losing Gaty once felt completely impossible while I was the host of The Power of Two. She was constant in my life, so when she vanished my whole world collapsed, one pillar at a time. I can feel Nine’s hot breath on my neck, more comforting than originating from the roots of lust. I still shiver when she wraps her long arms around me once she notices how I’m shaking my Monster Energy can. I want to tell her I’m okay, that I can handle it, but I don’t like lying. Though, I do have to admit I’ve been doing that much more than usual, especially when Four and X decide to check on me. “Hey,” I say softly, more of an acknowledgement of Nine’s face against mine instead of a greeting. I reach my hand back to hold the back of her head. A loving gesture, really, but I don’t ignore the persistent ache alternating between my heart and my core. One would say that we were starry-eyed lovers desperate for each other’s touch if they saw us, but I knew we were just aching for a connection deeper than a simple friendship. We just both refused to say that. Dull oranges and reds decorated the leaves outside, swaying in the cold breeze. Looks like autumn, I suppose, but we haven’t reached the equinox yet. Nine’s resting her head on my shoulder now. I wonder if she feels safe or just overwhelmingly exhausted. She appears comfortable, but I still turn my body to wrap my arms around her. Nine ends up doing the same, and we’re eventually both tangled in a mess of limbs hoping the other wouldn’t let go. I think I like friendship between us, but there could always be more. We didn’t have to settle for best friends when we could be sleeping under the moonlight, whispering secrets and filth we could never tell any other individual. I wanted to be hers, the one person she would always call to kiss or just to relax. A person to love. And I know I’m unable to kiss away all the shit I’m carrying, but at least I can hold Nine as she softly sniffles onto my shoulder, mucus and small tears collect on my loose graphic T-shirt. Her sunglasses are thrown onto the floor and her curls are messy and untidy, but I can’t help but love her. I don’t even know if she loves me like that. She could see us as best friends, sharing secrets under the stars platonically with no real, life-changing meaning behind it. Every other event in our lives has been stacking until it shatters and changes us forever, so I can’t see why she’d think that. Her own crying snaps me out of my thoughts swiftly. Even her own weeping is graceful, almost contradictory to how utterly broken we both are. I start to rub her back and waist gently as a soothing motion, whispering and hushing her as if I was her caretaker, quieting her down so I could push down the misery of it. I’ll die before I have to endure her suffering. I’ll die so I don’t have to hear her sobbing for One to spare her. I’ll die so she doesn’t have to desire someone to the point of losing months of her life. I’ll die so she will never relive the painful memories we were forced to create. I’ll die for her. But I’ll never admit it, I think, as I shift most of my body onto her to ground Nine mentally. Autumn leaves shuffle in the background and clouds roll away to showcase glittering specks in the night. I want to fall asleep lying in her embrace, but I do my best to stay awake until I can hear her breathing slow. Once I can hear her quiet down, I whisper “I love you,” in her ear and push her gently to lay down in my arms, and she does sleepily. She smiles back, hazel and royal blue eyes still lazily closed. For the first time since Gaty, I feel something close to happy.