A LOT just happened… everything is starting to make sense.

TW: DV, SA, drug abuse, child abuse Well first off I went to a yearly check up, my mom said if I want to I can get counseling and answer truthfully on the teen questions since last year I didn’t and I did this time but she did tell me to keep some stuff private between us so y’know I couldn’t answer truthfully to that stuff but uh yeah that happened and I was talking with a doctor and I told her about stuff I’m dealing with and shes like oh well you’ll prob need a psychiatrist and a general evalutation for tons of mental illnesses and y’know that happened and also gave me the crisis line just in case but uh I think either my mom had some evaluation with herself or she knows about this account because I’ve been noticing lately that she’s using my correct name and pronouns, she asks consent before touching/hugging me, she tried not to use certain words I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with, she lets me get help and won’t guilt trip me into not getting it or anything like that which I’ve never seen her do before and also she told me that she had an abortion when she was young because who she had the baby with was terrible and I’m absolutely fine with that, I support that actually but she then told me it’s why it took so long for her to start dating my dad even when he was begging her to for such a long time and she had to make sure ‘he was right’ and that makes a LOT of sense of why for such a long time she has tried to hide everything that happened in this family. Everything that happened between her and my dad and me and my dad she always has been saying to never tell it to anyone and when I told her about the sa my dad did all those years ago she was saying I was sensitive. When I saw him hit and push her she acted like it was all fine. When I asked why was there mold in the shower and why she wouldn’t clean it even though it was making me nauseous and dizzy she said it was something else. Whenever I would say anything about my dad and his anger issues she would always say ‘he has anger issues so it’s not his fault’ and when I would tell suggest therapy she said she tried and he would say that he dosent need it and when I told her thats not okay she said its perfectly fucking fine and him gaming and drinking and smoking/vaping as a coping mechanism is his way of therapy so he dosent need it. She even one time got hit and pushed in an argument with him and after that she came to me on her own APOLOGIZING. Saying it was her fault and that since it was at 3-5am he was grumpy so it wasn’t his fault and for the rest of the week to today I still haven’t heard his apology for that event, only hers. It all makes sense, she was pushing blame even onto herself just to make it seem like she did make the right choice. Although I’m not sure what do atm.. I’m not sure if she has started to realize that and started to change her ways or if she is still deluding herself into thinking he was the right choice and is acting better to me for a completely different reason. Also, since all of that happened with the trauma and stuff I’m not sure if I should tell the psychiatrist I’m gonna have about this. I’ve come this far now and I am making changes now but I have friends now. I’m not completely on my own anymore and it would hurt more if I did get taken away because now I have friends that I’ll miss. I’ve always wanted to do this ever since I was 7, ever since the first event but now… I can’t believe I’m saying this but I might regret it and I’m not sure if I should make this change knowing there’s a chance I would’ve been better just with my friends and no one else (except for yall) knowing..