ABHSHBGWUEJ (vent) Sorry :c

I knowwwww, Im sorryyyyyy. I said I wouldnt vent again because I dont want to be known as the person who only posts vents but omg. (!!TW!! sh and swearing ig?) and sorry for making it so long, i have a passion for writing I was having a pretty okay day, I ate breakfast for once and was just happy I guess. Then at lunch my favorite person was barely talking to me and was just distant so i got upset. Then in my 5th hour i had to do a fucking speech. A speech where everyone didnt know their topic till they went up. Guess what? I have a CRIPPLING fear of public speaking. And with my luck, i get called first. I DONT KNOW THE TOPIC. IM SHAKING SO BAD AND I ALREADY FEEL LIKE I AM ABOUT TO CRY BEFORE I EVEN SPEAK. I eventually get it over without crying in front of my class, but then i sit down and start to bawl my eyes out. The class ends and i go to see my favorite person, they dont notice im having an anxiety attack and they didnt hear me ask multiple times for a hug. So im just done at my last hour. And its the point im so done that i start to scratch at my arm while crying again, then i use a fucking eraser to get an eraser burn. Then i see them again after school, i tell them i feel like im still having an anxiety attack, they dont hear me. Again. So i naturally disassociate. Then they finally ask if im okay, i say no, they say *Oh, jeez.* THEN LEAVE. Im sorry that im so dependent on them but i just wish they noticed or at least gave me a hug. But i dont really care about the relapsing part besides that it was in class... I mean i was only clean for 7 days total this month... Gulp....