An Unforgettable Luncheon

Well, Seymour, I made it. Despite your directions. Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome! I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable luncheon! Yeah. Oh egads! My roast is ruined! But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it is my own cooking? Ho Ho Ho delightfully devilish, Seymour. Seymour and his crazy explanations. The Superintendent’s gonna need his medication. When he hears Seymour’s lame exaggerations there’ll be trouble in town tonight! Seymour! Superintendent I was just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join? Why is there smoke coming out of your oven Seymour? That isn’t smoke. It’s steam. Steam from the steamed clams we’re having! Mmm, steamed clams. Phew. Superintendent I hope you’re ready for mouthwatering hamburgers. I thought we were having steamed clams. Oh no, I said steamed hams. That’s what I call hamburgers. You call hamburgers steamed hams? Yes. It’s a regional dialect. I see. And what region? Upstate New York? Really? Well I’m from Utica and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams. Oh not from Utica, no it’s an Albany expression. I see. You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger. Oh no, patented Skinner Burgers! Old family recipe! For steamed hams? Yes. Yes, and you call them Steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled. You know... one thing I should... excuse me for one second. Of course. Well that was fun. Good time was had by all, I’m pooped. Yes I should be- good lord what is happening in there? Aurora Borealis. Aurora Borealis? At this time of day at this time of year in this part of the country, localised entirely within your kitchen? Yes. May I see it? No. Seymour! The house is on fire! No mother it’s just the northern lights. Well Seymour you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham. Help! Help!