Dating/Crushes

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I'm so afraid to be with someone even though I want it so bad.. Is that wrong? I also love physical touch but I hate it at the same time.. Is this because of my past relationships or what? besides my past partners were people I don't even know irl,, and same with my current crushes. Why can't I be with someone who I can fully trust? I don't understand. People around me get into positive relationships all the time. Meanwhile the only people I've ever been with left me or were disgusting people. I just wanted to be loved by someone. Is that too much to ask? I'm not venting, just confused. Did I do something wrong or..?
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