guys i wrote a poem its corny but true please listen and help (TW)

My Life by Kyra Hayward 3/16/25 every night every day every evening i always say it gets better way better but not that it gets badder worse and worse and worse and worse i keep screaming my voice is hearse this is confusing "Certainly a conundrum!" i say i pretend to be happy every night, evening, and day is it because i'm gay because i'm trans because i'm a therian dysphoria SUCKS, man let me tell you at least those who don't deal with it how bad it is to want to be something you can't you hate yourself day in, day out you maybe hurt yourself it hurts, but you can't cry out in my case at least your parents dont care they say all you want is attention they say as they pull your hair you say; "Dad stop yelling." and; "You know I can't handle loud noises.." "Your 'problems' aren't real" he says in the loudest of voices my mother lets him do whatever he wants i feel like a slave i do whatever he wants my parents make me clean my room seems normal right? what if i told you a poster slightly tilted keeps them up all night...? everything must be perfect! "I love my "**son**" so much" mother says i am not your son, i'm your **daughter** "**HE** loves **HIM**self too!" she covers up have you noticed any sort of pattern my parents behavior is like the government's latter cover it hide it throw it away cry about it from daddy with love "You aren't who you want to be" and "You'll never be who you aren't already" i know, thats why i'm sad because i'm not truly me being me sucks i'm not saying i have it the worst at least i have a dog and the food i eat could be worse even if i have mild anorexia sometimes i don't want any food when my dad sees my plate, he yells loudly; "DUDE..." "EAT YOUR FOOD" "CLEAN UP" you made the food, it's yours you made the mess, it's yours *BOY DO I LOVE DOING OTHER PEOPLE'S CHORES* maybe if i liked you, i wouldn't mind as much but my mind... my mind... my mind doesnt do as such; i cant think i cant talk i won't imagine i won't walk sometimes, for no reason i'm unable to control myself my arms and legs they throw things at the shelf my thoughts invade my life i'm sure some can relate and i'm sad there's no one who'd like to go on a date you see, i'm pansexual in case you didn't know what that means it's like i have the most options you see? but still still not one person loves my shell this skin, this flesh take it off, it burns it moves at random and its too fragile like a baby bird my personal experiences should not affect you if you hated reading this i'm apologize, and truthfully too if this caused discomfort i'm sorry forgive me unlike my mommy one time when I was four i found a stick i gave it to mom and dropped it on her foot the stick, it did stick pierced the skin gave her a splinter her memory of this never did hinder she still remembers i asked her today she replied, upset why'd i hurt her that day? mother it was an accident do you understand or does your brain have a dent? i'm so tired every day when i wake up my parents always yell at me mom, dad, shut the hell up a living alarm clock how whimsical, oh the whimsy! i'd prefer a regular alarm clock one that doesn't verbally abuse me i see it as a game between my parents who can make little kyra feel the saddest one time they did compete on my 2nd birthday i don't know how i remember it i think my mom told me one day my parents went back and forth talking about my visage they said terrible things do they wish i was a mirage i'm fourteen i know more than you think i do i know politics i know how drugs work too if someone were to try and kidnap me i would be able go back home that day because that person would look like a fish that got flayed whenever i'm in public i carry my knife for crafty purposes but also times of strife i find it fun to make spears bows and arrows too maybe if you're my friend i could gift something to you! i may be trans i may be pan i may be a therian i may be sadly born a human man but hey, even with my problems mental and physical psychological even i'm going to be official every person i meet i care about except the ones who are horrible all about so i may have dysphoria i may have a problem with self harm i may get depression waves i might even, at 14, be able to drive a car i may hate myself i may love someone who agrees with the above statement i feel like i'm not human, often, really but look... there's something important my biology doesn't change my identity and my identity doesn't affect how you should treat me my name is not (deadname) (dead last name) my name is Kyra Hayward, though thank you for reading my stupid vent poem i leave you with my message above and below i may not be normal i may not agree with you so to everyone who's ever hurt me, mom, dad, fake friends, family, strangers, and certain people i'm still a person too i'm just a girl :) in a beautiful world :) i love the rain :) i don't think it's ever caused pain :) happy birthday! :) thanks for what you got me today! :) i'm happy for now the clouds block the sun the sun hurts my eyes like a very cringe-y pun wow, look it's snowing! beautiful white specks looks like something familiar from when my friend inspects dust, it's just dust i need to clean up i hate my dad he needs to shut up i can reach from the ceiling to the floor but i don't want to be able to reach the top of the door being tall isn't fun my neck and back hurt i want to be small the dysphoria hurts no offense, but girls are usually short i want to be small and cute not tall and ugly i'm afraid of one thing i'm afraid of flying and stinging bugs i lied. i'm afraid of some other things, because i'ts rare for me to make friends when i have one i really care about them and when I dated one all i could think about was losing them if you're my friend and i really really care about you please don't leave because my note will mention you i'm sure you don't want the guilt although if you did that, you wouldn't care... does anyone care who can hear me there? this is just kyra's brain being stupid as usual my last brain cell is doing quadrobics therian stuff, the usual. i like to have fun i don't wish to fire a gun my dad likes to force me he wants to go to the range with me it's his fault that i'm scared of this i'm afraid of wasps they hurt really bad it was all his fault he said this, and I quote; "They only hurt you if they're angry," "So don't rock the boat." he pushed me closer to the nest inch by inch when all of a sudden i feel an agonizing pinch then another, then another, i think that i called for my mother i no longer trust that old man he's crazy please put him in the can the reason i joke; "you're my friend, get in the box" it's so I don't lose you i put on many locks i keep you safe i protect you and defend you but some people take control of all I do once again, i may not agree with you even with my problems and my past please remember please i'm begging you remember that i'm a person too a lot of people like to mistreat me, namely my mother and fake friends, but once again i say, my father does it the most of all. misgendering me and using the wrong pronouns, deadnaming me (but i guess he doesn't know i'd rather go by kyra). at least my parents don't beat me.. I can say that now, but I couldn't say that truthfully as a toddler... My parents would hit me every day since i was going to preschool. if I did anything that wasn't perfect they'd hit me. it did a lot to me. my dad hit me most of the time and it was always 7 times, because that was his lucky number and he thought it meant i'd behave better the next day. one time he hit me 14 times for twice the luck. the last time my parents hit me was when i dropped a plate. it was still usable, only a chunk of the outer rim was broken off. oh no i broke a plate wait whats that OH NO A HAND COMING TOWARD ME?!?! WHATEVER SHALL I DO- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH DAD THAT HURT WHYY ITS JUST A PLATE WHAT THE HELL** (look at you dad you made a 13 year old trans-girl cry. you're 43 and doing this shit?! what the hell!) thanks for reading my vent poem, i'm VERY VERY SORRY if this triggered you in any way. even if it was just the long read, lol /lh this is kyra hayward and her stupid fucking brain, signing off. Translation: it's 7:30 am and I need to sleep because if i stay up around 11:00 to 3:00 am i get this wave of depression, suicidal/SH thoughts, hallucinations, negative shifts (therian stuff), and its no good i need to sleep! hooray oversharing i love you guys, gals, and others (/p) for reading my traumatic events!!! there's more i could say but there's too little time to type everything out. just ask if you want to hear that