HI (small vent)

so um my ocd is getting a lot worse :) which is super great for me because i have a dad that believes that mental health and labels are just rubbish. like i literally cant hold a pen at school anymore because my fingers are touching eachother and i dont want them to or they're touching the ridged part of the pen which i hate, or i am holding my phone between my legs (as centered as possible) and i holding my phone with my right hand and having to put whatever's in my right hand down to scroll on my phone because holding anything in my left hand feels wrong and i cant describe it. this also isnt good bevausee i'm left handed and holdling my pen in my left hand feels awful but my handwriting with my right hand looks like i was writing it in -20degrees whilst actively getting frostbite so i cant do that lol and back on the subject of my dad, ive recently realised that i'm librafluid after a long gender journey of multiple different labels and my dad has said that "if i ever come to him saying that im not a girl he'll disown me and put me in a mental hospital" so thats cute ig 🎀 and im pretty sure that my grandad is very disappointed in me because my severe adhd symptoms (we're trying to get me diagnosed) are severely affecting my schoolwork and i have no motivation to do well at school anymore and i have an important test next tesday that decides whether my class in maths do the higher/advanced paper at GCSE or the regular test where you can only get half of the grades available in the higher test and i really dont want to be the person that makes it so that the whole class doesnt do the higher paper. im famousely bad at maths and tests in general lolz sorry for the rant just had to get his off of my chest hope ur having a good day/night or birthday or whenever it is for you :3