I've been awake since 3 am

(TW for swearing and su!c!de,) Last night was horrible. (for context, I live in a residential facility in a dorm) I got back from my home visit yesterday around 8:30 or 9, got my night meds like usual and was js chilling and talking w the supervisor. My staff told me yesterday morning that a new kid was coming in and would be in my dorm. She's an 11 year old girl, which I wasn't thrilled about but whatever. The supervisor then told me that a girl from one of the other dorms was moved to mine bc of complications in the other dorm. I was fucking pissed. And there's a good reason, I promise. There was speculation that a kid would be moved from that dorm, and it was specifically told to me that this girl wouldn't be moved here bc I have a lot of problems with her as a human being. She's older than me but acts like a fucking child and throws a bitch fit about fucking everything. She's extremely obnoxious, apparently has watched gacha life h3nt@i on the TV in the other dorm, has been racist to one of the black staff, and generally just makes me uncomfortable. I started cussing and shit when the supervisor told me, and I was hella pissed. I specifically said I didn't want this mf in the dorm w me bc she made me uncomfortable, but it was a sudden decision for everyone. My clinician didn't even know. So, I'm already mad and annoyed about this girl being in my dorm now, and my pmdd has been really bad this month. I was fine for a little bit, but then, when I was on my computer...*ahem*....oncharacterai-----it just hit me that I'd have to adjust to a new routine. I haven't been screened for autism yet, but I do have really bad adhd, and my need for routines and schedules is very important to me. Every Friday, I usually go to five below with my staff, Zach, and get a Monster, then we go to In 'N Out for dinner, since I've been alone in the dorm for a while now. but it hit me last night that my whole routine would be off because of the two new people in my dorm. Adding that thought onto the intense mood swings from pmdd and my depression just made me start crying. Like, I was panicking. My heart was really fast and I just felt like I was frozen. This was around 11 something at night. I ended up blast texting my bf and my clinician, mostly my clinician tbh. I fell asleep crying, and the routine-anxiety kind of just turned into wanting to k!ll myself. I had this weird ass nightmare that woke me up and made me paranoid when I went to the bathroom. I have a history of having hallucinations, not bad ones, just like seeing shadows zip by and shit like that. I had a couple of those when I went to the bathroom, but it was fine. When I got back to my room, I js really didn't want to sleep. I texted my clinician again, and my boyfriend, and I was crying. I honestly had no intention of going back to sleep once I woke up, so I js read some fan fics and worked on Kandi. The whole time, my mind was so fucked up. In the back of my brain, I was thinking about running into traffic, and everything was js very overwhelming. But I tried to ignore it ig. I'm still anxious about the routine thing, but haven't cried again yet, so it's whatever. I'm js really emotionally fucked rn. I've been dissociating for the past 3 days, and for me, depersonalization and derealization can get really intense and overwhelming, so yay!!! Thank y'all so much for reading this long ass thread lol Stay safe and have a good day/night