I've reached my breaking point. (long depressing vent)

WARNING: includes swearing, talk of suicide, eating disorders and depression. read carefully. okay I'm going to start of by saying I'm sorry. i love everybody here, you are all so kind and so excepting and you are one of the best things in my life right now. thank you for everything you do for everybody here so right now I feel like everything I do isn't good enough for anyone, and I feel like I'm failing at everything. i've struggled with my severe depression and anxiety for years and I'm ond anti depressants and anxiety meds. when I was 13 I attempted suicide and hid it from my parents. i did it because the pressure of trying to make my self perfect was picking away at my mental health. and right now I'm trying to do that same thing, I try to be perfect to be good enough for my mom and it doesn't work so I beat myself up for it. I just want to be good enough for her and the fact that I'm not, hurts more than anything else. I try to be the supportive, kind, caring person for everyone else and not myself. some days when everything gets so so bad, I don't eat or drink. i do that for days on end and my boyfriend (god I love hi I don't know what I'd do without him) and I think I have an eanting disorder that revolves around anxiety. I'm the type of person (ahem also perfectionist) that is afraid to ask for help, so I suffer alone until it gets so bad that I... self harm. and now i've figured out that I'm Genderfluid, and my family wouldn't get it. so I cant tell them, I might never tell them, and that's eating away at me as well, so I want to fucking give up. i want everything to go away and I want to be happy. so here I am, asking, begging, for a little help and support. I'm so sorry for dumping this on everyone, but I cant take it anymore. i love you all, thanks for reading Ajax