Shower thoughts I got from a website

Clapping is just high-fiving yourself. One day, you’ll be someone’s ancestor. Air conditioning is just domesticated wind. Does a straw have one hole or two holes? Salt is the only rock that’s socially acceptable to eat. If you’re waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter? There’s no way to prove that we all see the same colors. A “Z” is just a “7” on its knees. I wonder what my dog named me. Crabs probably think that fish can fly. Your future self is talking s*** about you. Air conditioning is just domesticated wind. People without glasses are seeing for free. I correct autocorrect more than it corrects me. Many tattoos have been ruined by earthquakes. Pregnant women are the only true bodybuilders. Silly Putty implies the existence of serious putty. Anxiety is just conspiracy theories about yourself. If you’re waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter? Adult peer pressure is hearing your neighbor mowing. A single Sour Patch Kid would kill a Victorian era child. Why do we cry when it’s the onions that are getting hurt? Every broken clock tells you the exact time it passed away. If procrastinators had a club, would they ever hold a meeting? Taking allergy medicine is a subscription to functioning normally. If the Earth was flat, the edge would probably be a tourist attraction. When an earthquake happens, coffins become underground maracas. Someone has probably imagined punching your face in a fake scenario. It has to be a little disappointing to be #11 on the FBI’s most wanted list. Somebody’s mom has probably used you as a bad example for her kids. While we sleep, our brain makes up stories and then gets scared of them. Once you have a Ph.D., every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment. A resume is really just a list of things that people hope they never have to do again. We named other planets in the solar system after gods but named our own planet “dirt.” Searching for a new laptop online is forcing your current computer to dig its own grave. Watching a graduation ceremony is like sitting through a movie that’s entirely end credits. If James Bond is the most famous spy in the world, doesn’t that make him the worst spy? You don’t actually wash your hands—they wash each other while you stand there and watch. If aliens came to Earth, we would have to explain why we have so many movies of us killing them. Being afraid to check your bank account is the adult version of being afraid to check your grades. How long does someone have to be dead before it’s considered archaeology instead of grave robbing? Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of your voice cracking in a verbal argument. Teenagers drive like they’re on borrowed time. Elderly people drive like they’ve got all the time in the world. There comes a time in everyone’s life where beating up someone younger than you goes from pathetic to impressive. Whoever created the tradition of not seeing the bride in the wedding dress beforehand saved countless husbands from hours of dress shopping. We don’t check the refrigerator multiple times to find new food, we check to see if our standards have dropped enough to eat what was available.