Sorry yall :/

TW: mentions of depression+anxiety and distrust in medical professionals THIS IS NOT A VENT. THIS IS AN UPDATE FOR NOW UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. [what’s going on + bad news] I know I haven’t been on or interacting much lately, I've said over and over again how this time I’ll find a way to get back on like I used to but frankly I’m just out of it, if yall couldn’t tell I’m going through some horrible shit rn and the anxiety and depression it’s giving me makes me want to be in bed all day but not even the one where you’re depressingly doomscrolling but the one where your just laying there unable to move thinking about anything that could go wrong and crying for the next hour about it. [good news-ish?] the thing causing everything to be going wrong is ***supposed*** to help with other stuff ive been dealing with but literally none of the medical professionals involved seem like they are trying to help me and are just wanting their paycheck and I feel like I have to spell shit out for a specific medical professionals just to get the help people around me **NEED**. [ACTUAL good news] I have people around me that actually fucking care about me for once and they are the people I mostly discuss this to, both online and irl and today I just had to come back from a sleepover at my grandma’s house with my friends living there for the first time ever with no one else and I didn’t feel depressed once, the only time I felt sad or anxious was thinking about coming back home, and I’ve never felt safer, not even at my own home so yeah but… [future stuff] my friends living at my grandma’s house is connected to the other thing making everything go wrong and this is probably only a temporary thing until the specific event stops which *should be* in the middle of January until they go back to my house but I’m hoping that they decide to stay at my grandma’s house until they can afford to get one for themselves because my sister (the person who was first friends with these ppl) is actually pretty toxic towards them and the town they’re at with my grandma is way better than the one we live at and my grandma’s house is way bigger. [when I’ll go back to posting normally maybe] This isn't final but I feel like after all of this is in the past (middle of January) I’ll still never post like I once did, maybe I won’t ever be like that again but there is a chance that when this is all done, maybe in a week or two, things can start to go back to normal but I am very doubtful about it. I will post time to time until then, most are just prob gonna be patterns but yeah.. [what happens if shit goes down] I did this just for anxiety reasons but if anything goes wrong I will either make a thread about it, tell k_k1lkl0wn and cooljaykid about it (and tell them to tell all of yall) or tell an irl friend to make a thread about it. But just hope nothing happens to where that is the case. [last thing I’ll say] Love you all and glad you guys care about me. Thank you for the support and love on everything.