What the fuck is wrong with me. (Sh, swearing)

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I fucking hate myself so much. It hurts so fucking bad but it feels so fucking good. I feel disgusted. I should be glad that my blade is dull, but I'm not. I wish it wasn't so I could break skin. I need to feel something, even if it's pain. God, I'm fucking spiraling again. I've been so good for 8 fucking months and now I just threw all my progress down the fucking drain.
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