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my heads an unending fireworks explosion. i cant stop it. its just always in motion. its always hungry for fun, always scrolling for more, even though i cant pick up my laundry off the floor. born with a joke of a prefrontal cortex, i procrastinated on my homework projects. all my problems at school were just ignored or dismissed. everyone just assumed that i chose to be like this. adhd isnt something cute or quirky. i feel like a failure. i feel unworthy. i feel like im faking it. ill be found out. i feel like im nothing but a helpless child. my heads full of noises. i cant pay attention. my rooms full of remnants of my past obsessions. always spending my time catching up with life. cant stop scrolling even when its past midnight. without my meds, i become a slave to pleasure. without vyvanse, i become an utter failure. always late. always chasing. always behind. cant stand this adhd life, but its mine. i forget all thats without a written reminder. i burn what im cooking if i dont set a timer. i take melatonin an hour before i sleep. cause i always seem to stay up late staring at screens. all of my belongings are attached to air tags. i keep checking my pockets. i cant relax. did i lose my keys, my phone, or my wallet this time? or did i forget my haircut appointment at five? past mistakes in my head, wont stop replaying. i work myself to the bone, compensating. i feel like im faking it. ill be found out. i feel like im nothing but a helpless child. my heads full of noises. i cant pay attention. my rooms full of remnants of my past obsessions. always spending my time catching up with life. cant stop scrolling even when its past midnight. without my meds, i become a slave to pleasure. without vyvanse, i become an utter failure. always late. always chasing. always behind. cant stand this adhd life, but its mine. i wish i got diagnosed years ago. my brain just cant focus. its not my fault. stimulants im taking make me uneasy and tense. but without them, my second life would never begin. thirty-one years of my life, all just wasted. i wasnt dumb. i was unmedicated. but the past is gone. i shouldnt ruminate. i just wish i could trust myself today. my heads full of noises. i cant pay attention. my rooms full of remnants of my past obsessions. always spending my time catching up with life. cant stop scrolling even when its past midnight. my heads full of noises. i cant pay attention. my rooms full of remnants of my past obsessions. always spending my time catching up with life. cant stop scrolling even when its past midnight. without my meds, i become a slave to pleasure. without vyvanse, i become an utter failure. always late. always chasing. always behind. cant stand this adhd life, but its mine.